Am I hearing something?!? I turned around and found no one. I surely heared a voice. Like from somebody who wants something out of me. But it’s Gibberish I couldn’t understand a thing. Who could it possibly be? Was it my inner conscience talking? An alter ego trying to keep me awake and stay focused? A whisperer? Or worst, a howling ghost asking for my help to do some of his unfinished business. Whoaaaaaah?? This is giving me goosebumps. Am I high on something or was it just a product of my wildest imagination? But it’s not enough to convince me.  I’m sure I heared something.  So I stilled there listening for a moment.  And then went back to work as it suddenly stopped.  But it freaked the hell out of me when the sound got louder again. Judging from the way I heared it, seems like it’s anywhere close to where I am sitting.  But instead of getting stucked in paranoia, I decided to continue with what I am doing as I have lots of important things to catch up for the deadline and hoping it will just stop bothering by pretending I didn’t react to it.

But hearing those voices again has aggravated the pathetic side of me.  Checked the area for a possible vantage point in an assumption somebody is just playing prank on me.  While pretending to be busy, I conspiciously observed my surroundings. I jerked my eyes and took a quick glance around.  On my left is a busy yet enthusiastic manager I admire trying to figure out a way to fix some patch error.  At an 11th hour direction, a very responsible and reliable teamlead religiously checking everything is on track.  And from my behind are my teamates, busy cranking up some codes. There was really no one. No signs of suspicion at all. But I was certain I really heared something.  Is it my recently being in a melancholic mode the reason why these unexplained things are happening right now? Probably, having that emotional state awakens the clairvoyant side of me. Paranormal experts say that highly emotional people tend to emit spiritual aura that are thought to draw attention to some spiritual entities.  Could this voice come from some Poltergeist or what is known as a “noisy spirit”? Oh please I hope not. I don’t want to see some things moving or like some apparitions materializing out of thin air.  Or else I will really… end up a psycho. That’s a no-no.  How can something like this be happening? I can hear some voices I could not understand what it was or where it came from. Am I losing some sense of sanity here? Whatever the message was, I could not decipher.  I’m no psychic to do that whatsoever.

After a moment of spying, the alleged howling sound from a tormented soul suddenly disappears.  So, I just continued with my work realizing it was all just an imagination. Delusions…This is what I get out of an exquisite stressful gaming sensation I’ve had over the past few nights.  But my entire body was shock in fear upon hearing those sounds again.  This time, it’s getting feircer and louder as if it tries to scare the hell out of me.  Am I being haunted? What does it want from me? I’m sure whatever that entity was must have a very good reason why it gave me a damn freak. But why me?  What does it have to do with me?  What does it want from a person with such tremendous cowardice?  His reasons must be super important I am being singled out.  I am probably the only person who could help him from this bizarre situation.  Oh yeah baby. In order to make a connection with this entity, I need to know where it exactly was.  I looked upon the window.  No, I didn’t find any noticeable thing.  He’s probably up above the ceiling. Nope, it’s clean.  Oh my gosh! The only place I haven’t checked was under my table.  Thoughts suddenly rushed up to my mind. Could it be that Toshio boy from the Japanese horror film “The Grudge”?  That croaking sound really scares me to death. I tried to keep still while listening again. The feircing voice emanated from somewhere below.  The voice from within is getting so persistent I can’t wait to see what it really was. My body is trembling and my knees are shaking as I took all the courage to give it just one peek. This madness has got to stop to end my torment.  Despite being petrified by fear, I bended over to check it out.  It was.….. LUNCHTIME!!!.  And I just ended up bursting myself into laughter.

Pinapangarap ko,
Araw-araw, ikaw ay matikman
Dulot mo’y init
Dumadaloy sa aking katawan
~
Pag gising sa umaga,
Ikaw agad ang tinatamasa
Dulot mo’y ligaya
Nagbibigay ng pag-asa
~
Mga labi ko’y nasasabik
Ikaw ay malasahan
Mapaso, ako’y walang paki-alam
Hapdi at kirot na aking pagdaraanan
~
Ako din ay nalulungkot
Pagkat lahat ay may hangganan
Pasensya mo ay mauubos
At ako ay pagsasawaan
~
Hangga’t nariyan pa ang init
Ako na ang mamimilit
I totodo ko na talaga
Ang aking pagsasamantala
~
Bawat buhos ng iyong kainitan
Napapawi ang aking kalooban
Kaligayaha’y di maipinta
Sa kagandahang aking nadarama
~
Pero bakit? Bakit nagkaganito?
Ako ba ay adik na sa’yo?
Di ko ‘to matitiis
Mawalay ako ay maghihinagpis
~
Akala ko walang sawaan
Pero bakit ako iyong pinagsarhan
Sikmura ko’y ewan,
Sobrang kumakalam
~
Nasaan ka na???
Oh, sinta…
MILO ko,
Hinahanap hanap kita…
-Regardless of complexity, every process takes a little
while. When a fruit ripens, a flower withers, a baby is
born. Life is a mere cycle, and it all takes time.  So
here I am, always needing time on my own. I’m alone,
and it feels like years of waiting. I couldn’t wait for
the chance of seeing you.  Getting anxious at the same
time excited to see how you’ll be like even if it’s
just hours since the last time we see each other. You
were once the one who gave me the energy and the true
spirit that keeps wanna going. The thought of living a
life without having you would really kill me for sure.
I’ll go insane wihout you sustaining me. You consumed
me as much as I am consuming you.  But then again,
truth hurts and reality bites.  The sweet and happy
memories would soon become bitter. A sad realization
poked me out of nowhere. I can’t have you forever. No,
it’s impossible.  I have to let you out. The sooner,
the better.  Else, you’ll eventually become a poison.
A poison that’s gonna ravish everthing what’s left in
me. It’s a nightmare I don’t want to happen in my
waking life.  But whenever I get to have a chance, I
become so timid. That I just keep on missing the
opportunity laid before me.  Things couldn’t have
gotten worst if I just listened to my instinct and
heeded to the signs.    I wonder what’s good in it to
have you that I keep on procrastinating on settling
when things become a bit shaky.  Little did I know,
you’ve rotten yourself along the way. Then somebody
blew a horn out of me so loud.  Enough to give me a
bang and made me realize how stingy you’ve become.  I
know, by the time you’ll gonna walk away from me, it’s
gonna hurt for sure, and I’ll start missing you, but by
then, I will be free.  Free from the turmoils of having
you in my life.  Each day that passes by, holding you
inside is torture.  But I have to bear it, coz I know
I’m just gonna be ok.  But I can’t deny the fact that
you’ve been a part of me no matter what.  You’ve been
my life and giving you up is the reason why I still
exists. Ironic isn’t it? I’m left with no choice. Have
to set you free no matter how hard I try to keep hold
of you, you have to go when its time for you to go.
Every last embrace is painful, and part of me is lost
forever.  Nobody knows the gravity of the burden of
having you, that’s why only my sanity can save myself
from this delusion.  And now, I’m facing the
battlefield of life. Ready to brace myself with what
might be the outcome.  It’s almost time!
Aaarrrggghhh!!! Whooops! There you go.  Whatta ride!!!
sigh! It wasn’t that easy, huh! It took me some time to
gather the strength I needed to wrestle the oddities of
life. I have experienced this incredible anguish only
to find out a delightful thing you once were had become
totally a big of a shit.  And now that you’re finally
gone… When life is taking you away from me, it’s a
bit painful, but as I go through the process, there’s
this sensation I couldn’t describe. The emptiness
suddenly was filled with joy and happiness.  And now
it’s finally over, I’m back to my life again.    And as
I see you broke, hopeless, lying in your white fragile
fortress. I couldn’t care less. Just so glad it’s
finally over.  One more step and you’ll totally vanish
forever.  You’re as good as a single push button now. I
guess this is it, I am now bidding you goodbye.  Thank
you for once being part of me.  Farewell my thing..
Have a good journey to the rivers of shits. I’m
flushing you now… Jubilee!!! Whew!!! Gotta stuff
myself again.. Muffins hmmm…I love it. And here I go
again. Repeating the same process.  Enjoying the sweet
things til it’s bitter. We’ll that’s life. Just gotta
enjoy while it lasts!!! But wait, there’s this
yellowish thing you left just around the corner.  Just
as I thought, hmmm.. You deliberately put a stain on it
to somehow remind me of you.  Well, let it be… Just
let it be blown by the winds of time.

Regardless of complexity, every process takes time – short time, long time. For a fruit to ripen, a flower to wither, a baby to be born, it all takes time.

So here I am, always needing time on my own. I’m alone, and it feels like years of waiting. I couldn’t wait for the chance of seeing you.  Getting anxious at the same time excited to see how you’ll be like even if it’s just hours since the last time we see each other. You were once the one who gave me the energy and the true spirit that keeps wanna going. The thought of living a life without having you would really kill me for sure. I’ll go insane wihout you sustaining me. You consumed me as much as I am consuming you.  But then again, truth hurts and reality bites.  The sweet and happy memories would soon become bitter. A sad realization poked me out of nowhere. I can’t have you forever. No, it’s impossible.  I have to let you out. The sooner, the better.  Else, you’ll eventually become a poison.  A poison that’s gonna ravish everthing what’s left in me. It’s a nightmare I don’t want to happen in my waking life.  But whenever I get to have a chance, I become so timid. That I just keep on missing the opportunity laid before me.  Things couldn’t have gotten worst if I just listened to my instinct and heeded to the signs.    I wonder what’s good in it to have you that I keep on procrastinating on settling when things become a bit shaky.  Little did I know, you’ve rotten yourself along the way. Then somebody blew a horn out of me so loud (PROOOOOTPROOOOTTTTOTOTOT).  Enough to give me a bang and made me realize how stingy you’ve become.  I know, by the time you’ll gonna walk away from me, it’s gonna hurt for sure, and I’ll start missing you, but by then, I will be free.  Free from the turmoils of having you in my life.  Each day that passes by, holding you inside is torture.  But I have to bear it, coz I know I’m just gonna be ok.  But I can’t deny the fact that you’ve been a part of me no matter what.  You’ve been my life and giving you up is the reason why I still exists. Ironic isn’t it? I’m left with no choice. Have to set you free no matter how hard I try to keep hold of you, you have to go when its time for you to go.  Every last embrace is painful, and part of me is lost forever.  Nobody knows the gravity of the burden of having you, that’s why only my sanity can save myself from this delusion.

And now, ready to face the battlefields of life.  Bracing myself with what might be the outcome.  It’s almost time! Aaarrrggghhh!!! Whooops! There you go.  Whatta ride!!! Sigh! It wasn’t that easy, huh! It took me some time to gather the strength I needed to wrestle the oddities of life.  I have experienced this incredible anguish only to find out a delightful thing you once were had become totally a big of a SH!T.  And now that you’re finally gone… When life is taking you away from me, it’s a bit painful, but as I go through the process, there’s this sensation I couldn’t describe.  The emptiness suddenly was filled with joy, happiness, and a hope of a new tomorrow.  Now it’s finally over, I’m back to my life again.  And as I see you broke, hopeless, lying in your white fragile fortress, I couldn’t care less.  So glad it’s finally over.  One more step and you’ll totally vanish next to forever.  You’re as good as a single push button now… Valueless and shameful.  I guess this is it, I don’t need you anymore.  So I am now bidding you goodbye.  Thank you for once being part of me.  Farewell my thing.. Have a good journey to the rivers of the DAMN.  I’m flushing you now… Jubilee!!! Whew!!! Gotta stuff myself again.. Muffins?!? hmmm…I love it.  And here I go again.  Repeating the same process.  Enjoying the sweet things til it’s bitter.  I still won’t give up on chances even if I have to SH!T hard again.  We’ll that’s life. Just gotta enjoy while it lasts!!! But wait, there’s this yellowish thing you left just around the corner.  Hmmm…Just as I thought huh!  You deliberately put a stain on it to somehow remind me of you.  Well, let it be… Just let it be blown by the winds of time. ^^

Happy birthday Chen!

Happy birthday!!! I just wish the best things in you. Stay pretty and bratty as always.. There’s nothing I can ask for than to see you happy, especiallly on your BIRTHDAY!…You will always stay special in me. I love you so much!!! mwaaaaaaaah…

I’m coming home to join the celebration!!! Wait for me.. weeeeeeeeeee…

Nyahahahaha… I feel like I’m not getting older.  I’m having this childish thought of what to buy for myself this christmas.  Haven’t given myself a gift yet… I’m not talking about just a gift… but an expensive one.  I know I can just afford what I want right now.  But it breaks not just my pocket but my heart as well, if I know a lot can be happier if I’d just slice my budget so others can be as happy as me.  Hmmmm… feeling Santa… Hohohoooowww…. Wish I’m just a kid this Christmas.  No worries, no bills to pay, no obligation… ‘tulo lng sip-on!!’… nyahikhikhk…

How do you feel today? What are your thoughts? Mind sharing…? Post here.

Not all firsts are good or pleasant.  But whatever it is, rest assured it’s less likely to be forgotten.  First kiss, first love, first time to watever.  First time to post this blog while anxiously waiting for my ’sundo’.  First time to be the last one to go home in our team.  The feeling all depends on what kind of circumstance you’re at.  But this time, I just don’t know what to post.  I just hope this won’t be my ‘last’. EHEHEHEHEH